QUOTES ABOUT FUN / JOKES

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.

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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

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Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.

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Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

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A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

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Bank Teller: How do you like the money? English Student: I like it very much.

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Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

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"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?" "No, I'm sorry I don't." "Well, its two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

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"I was born in California." "Which part?" "All of me."

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A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup? B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running?

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"Do you know what really amazes me about you?" "No. What?" "Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"

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A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

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What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

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A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast B: What was it? A: Eggs. B: No, that was yesterday.

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"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy. "Why not, son?" "Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day." "But why don't you want to go today?" "Because our English teacher died yesterday!"

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Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone? A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)

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Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

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Here were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City." The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World." On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number," replied the girl.

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We have all waited behind a door to scare someone, then leaving because they're taking too long to come out. I was born intelligent but education ruined me.

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"I need to talk to you," That one sentence that has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you did in your whole life. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

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